How to Send the First Message That Gets a Reply
Whether you’re reaching out on a dating app, networking platform, or just starting a conversation with someone new online, crafting the perfect first message is essential. A great first message can spark interest, show personality, and significantly increase your chances of getting a reply.
Here’s how to make that first message count:
1. Personalize the Message
Generic openers like “Hey” or “What’s up?” rarely stand out. Instead, mention something specific from the person’s profile or content.
Example:
If their profile says they love hiking:
“Hey! I saw you’re into hiking—have you ever tried the Inca Trail in Peru? It’s on my bucket list!”
Why it works:
- Shows you’ve read their profile.
- Creates a jumping-off point for conversation.
- Feels more genuine and less copy-pasted.
2. Ask an Open-Ended Question
Avoid yes/no questions that can be answered with a single word. Ask something that invites the other person to share more about themselves.
Example:
“What’s your favorite way to spend a weekend?”
This encourages a thoughtful reply and helps you both discover shared interests.
3. Keep It Short and Friendly
Long-winded introductions can feel overwhelming. Aim for 1–3 short sentences. Be upbeat, polite, and confident—not pushy or overly eager.
Example:
“Hey Alex! I noticed you’re into indie music. Got any current favorites? I’m always looking for new playlists.”
4. Avoid Overused Lines
Lines like “Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears” might get a chuckle—but they’re also used by hundreds of others.
Instead, be original or sincere. A unique or slightly quirky message is more likely to get a smile (and a reply).
5. Match the Platform and Context
Tone matters. A casual dating app opener will differ from a message on LinkedIn.
Professional Example (LinkedIn):
“Hi Jamie, I came across your post on data storytelling—really insightful! I’d love to connect and learn more about your experience in data visualization.”
Casual Example (Dating App):
“Hey! Your dog is adorable—what’s their name? Looks like they run the show 😄”
6. Timing Can Help
Sending a message when the person is likely to be online increases your chance of being seen. Early evenings and weekends often work well on social platforms and dating apps.
7. Proofread Before Sending
Typos or sloppy grammar can make a bad first impression. Double-check your message for clarity and tone.
Final Thought: Be Yourself
The best messages sound like a real person wrote them. Don’t try too hard to be funny or clever—just be kind, curious, and authentic. That alone will set you apart from the crowd.
Remember: First impressions matter, but the best message is the one that starts a real conversation. So take a moment, think it through, and hit send with confidence.
